Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this just has baby written all over it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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