Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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