Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think my vagina is haunted
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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