Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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