Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
