not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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