I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
