ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
