if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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