I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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