a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize