So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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