Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
