yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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