a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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