Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
