we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize