Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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