Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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