I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
