So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
