He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize