member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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