Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
