NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
