We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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