Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it because I queefed?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
