Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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