Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand Curling. That high.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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