The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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