dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
