he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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