having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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