Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
