im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
