I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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