I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
