I accidentally burped into my bong.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
