i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
