So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize