I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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