Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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