did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
