i think my mom watched the whole time
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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