Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
