just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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