Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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