1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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