we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
