At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
