I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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