She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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