I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
