Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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