White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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