Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
