yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
