id be glad to
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
