If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
